OPIPHANY #11: Longevity in a relationship has one basic premise. Being able to withstand the storm. People rarely watch the forecast to see how sunny it will be, they watch it to prepare for undesirable weather. Don't rely solely on someone's actions during good times, make note of how they move during bad times. Find someone you can see yourself wanting to be with at your lowest moments of life -- someone that will be in the trenches with you, by your side fighting with you. Think of a good mate as you would good car insurance. You know the worth of a good company not in the good times, but in the moments of compromise. It's easy to be with someone at their best. The true test is being there at their worst.
THE GREATEST INTIMACY
OPIPHANY #10: Sex without intimacy is like the intake of processed meat. Although it can be humanly consumed, it does little to nothing in providing an individual with the necessary nutrients to fully satisfy their hunger or their body's health. Processed foods are a cheap way of making food for mass consumption. They contain fillers instead of the actual whole ingredient it mimics. It lacks adequate nutritional value needed to sustain one's body and in place deposits toxins and leaves a void. Contrary to society's over indulgence in sexual promiscuity, sex alone can never and will never be enough to sustain an individual's sexual appetite. Intimacy comes in many forms and differ from person to person, however they all share one common concept and that is the existence of a sincere connection that goes beyond the physical. That is when intimacy is truly reached and heightens the effects of this physical act we know as sex. The misconception to many is that they can separate sex and intimacy. They fail to recognize the body, mind and soul are one. To neglect any one part is an injustice to the rest. They all require their due respects. It's no surprise why studies show the best sex is experienced by married couples and persons in committed relationships. The other element of intimacy that should go without mention is that it requires trust. A person can't fully trust if they possess inhibitions for trust demands transparency and openness. The act of selflessly giving thyself to a person with the intent to share and exchange a closeness that only the soul can define manifests itself to a physicality, a euphoria that no drug could ever accomplish. Intimacy begins with confidence and security in yourself -- an understanding of your being and spirit, and executed when an individual develops the ability to selflessly relate and sincerely connect with their mate. Great sex begins with great relationships. Don't cheat yourself. Stop allowing outside forces to dictate what you should be defining and creating with the person you care about. My definition of intimacy: To lose yourself in a person you trust.
January 3, 2012
OPIPHANY #9: Car manufacturers run a variety of complex and gruesome tests on vehicles before giving it the stamp of approval for mass production. No great relationship goes without trials. Don't look at trying moments as a sign of weakness or failure. Rather look at it as an opportunity to re-examine things and better analyze what is taking place. Poorly produced cars don't hold up long and can cause fatality to drivers, passengers and even innocent bystanders. Negligence to a relationship can impact more than just it's offender. Don't expect a relationship to prosper if you fail to work on what needs to be corrected. There's nothing wrong with making improvements. But there's definitely a problem when you allow things to proceed without proper evaluation. Chief engineers take time to get things right. They are also the first ones looked at when a mass recall has to be conducted. Be accountable for the relationship you build. Stay committed to excellence and find yourself walking in the greatness of a successful union.
November 22, 2011
DON'T GIVE UP THE FIGHT
OPIPHANY #8: Being in a relationship is like pledging allegiance to a country of citizenship. There is a sense of obligation in defending and fighting for a union one has spent time creating. You owe it to yourself to try and give the absolute best in honor. Sincere effort goes a long way. If you misplaced a prized jewel, would you not try to relocate it before deeming it forever lost? If you damaged something valuable would you not try to attempt to repair it before throwing it away? How much more meaningful is a relationship one has spent time investing in. Couples that fight together for what they believe in only get stronger. The presence of problems aren't bad, it's an opportunity to strengthen what you have. It's the lack of exhausting all efforts in resolving those issues that's the real monstrosity. If you allow something so precious to go without fighting for it, you have committed the biggest injustice to yourself. The future of a relationship is only as strong as its efforts during trying times. Don't be so quick to give up. Step up to the challenge and reclaim what's rightfully yours.
November 16, 2011
RESPECTING THE PROCESS OF TIME
OPIPHANY #7: Love and relationships are like seeds, in that it takes time to reach its full maturity, and even then there are still phases of growth during its existence. Without the fertilization phase it stands no chance of even becoming a tree. But for those that respect this phase, they will find a tree that will grow to bear gifts, the fruits of their committed labor. This phase as tempting as it appears requires patience as well. If fruit is plucked too soon, it won't be ripe enough and the taste of bitterness will be experienced. Allow time for the fruit to ripen so optimum size and sweetness can be reached. Don't force love or relationships. They are elements of life that have to be cultivated and developed. Appreciate the process of time. The strongest trees and the sweetest fruits took time to form. You can choose to buy an apple and experience a moment of pleasure or grow an apple tree and experience a lifetime of harvest. Wait on love.
November 2, 2011
OPIPHANY #6: Trust between two individuals comes from transparency and exposing vulnerabilities. When you have one person that withholds from that or misuses that privilege, full trust can never be reached. Books create better stories when characters are well developed. Likewise, embracing such humility builds character that welcomes trust. Trust is emotional intimacy which requires closeness. There is no way of fully getting close to someone if there are barriers that stand in between the way. Bring down the walls and share with one another.
November 1, 2011
OPIPHANY #5: Many people fall into the notion that being in a fulfilling relationship will complete them. Although there is no harm in the sentiment, caution should be used in its literal meaning and connotation. To think someone else completes you insinuates you are not yet whole independently. Being single is an opportunity to achieve that. Individuals must diligently work on themselves to reach a point where they are the core provider of their own happiness. It is only then that they can truly satisfy the equation of completion. It takes two individuals that are secure in their own totality to truly complete each other. Until that is done, the reality of the matter is both individuals only compliment each other.
October 31, 2011
OPIPHANY #4: A relationship without communication is like a cell phone with no service -- it's completely dysfunctional. The first step in creating good communication is fostering a welcoming environment where one feels comfortable expressing their thoughts and concerns to you. Learn to be receptive. The next step is learning to listen. The first offense in the break down of communication is the failure to process another point of view and objectively understand the next person. Communication works best when fueled by love, instead of anger and frustration. Explore methods other than speech. Letters can sometimes be less abrasive and serve as great prep into a discussion. A majority of problems can be resolved when effective communication meets the commitment in sincerely trying to make things work.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
OPIPHANY #3: Treat your relationship like a safe box. The less people that have access to it the less likelihood of it to be compromised or breached. The beauty of being in a relationship is having a sense of security. Some things simply should remain private. Protect and guard what you have sacrificed creating. It will leave you less vulnerable to elements of outside forces that can become damaging. The only person that should impact or influence your relationship, is the person you are with. No one will ever fully understand the value of what you have in your box, so don't allow anyone to freely ingress.